FEMA Denies Aid Cites Washington’s Lack of Charisma
OLYMPIA, WA — In a bold move to redefine disaster relief, FEMA has denied Washington State’s…
Married Woman Loves Pet Hamster More
NEW YORK — After five years of marriage and three IKEA rebuilds, local woman Dana Wexler…
President Trump Secretly Goth Now Says Aide
President Donald Trump has reportedly embraced the Goth lifestyle privately citing the soothing qualities of Bauhaus…
Zuckerberg Shocked To Learn Monopoly Means Monopoly
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg appeared in federal court this week, bravely defending his…
Worlds Deadliest Cheese Declares Independence From Sardinia
SARDINIA — In a crazy yet unsettling development, Casu Marzu, the infamous maggot-infested cheese banned across…
Meat Eaters Fear Vegans Will Win Eventually
HELSINKI — A new study has confirmed what many already knew deep down in their cheese-stuffed…
Catcher In The Rye Declared Global Treasure Today
WASHINGTON — In an emergency UNESCO session Tuesday, world leaders unanimously declared The Catcher in the…
Darkweb Hacker Loses Battle To Grandma
INTERNET — A 22-year-old hacker known online as “Tooyoung69” is recovering emotionally after being absolutely humiliated…
White House Replaces Trump With Talking Ketchup
WASHINGTON — In an emergency press briefing, the White House revealed that President Donald Trump has…
Man Visits Morocco Immediately Regrets Being Alive
MARRAKESH — Local tourist Brent Halverson, 34, arrived in Morocco last week seeking “authentic vibes” and…
Local Man Eats Snake Heart Quickly Regrets It
HANOI — In a brave attempt to impress absolutely no one, local Hanoi resident Minh Truong,…
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