Nutrition Experts Urge Public to Eat Rainbow, Immediately Regret It After Seeing What Blue Food Looks Like
UTAH — In a groundbreaking health recommendation, scientists have declared that eating every color of the…
First-Year NYC Journalist Discovers Men Can Be Toxic, Wonders If City Is Secretly a Chemistry Lab
NEW YORK CITY — In a harrowing first year as a journalist, local newcomer Jane Marlowe…
Traditional Wife Heroically Calls Cleaning in Heels a Form of ‘Soft Rebellion’ Against Microwave Culture
TOPEKA, KS — Local traditional wife Kelly Potworst announced Thursday that her lifestyle of homeschooling, cooking,…
Vibe Coding AI Quietly Replaces Engineers While Trump Asks If It Can Build Bigger Flags
SILICON VALLEY — Engineering jobs, once the crown jewel of tech stability, are now quietly dissolving…
Trump Patiently Waiting for Tariff Inflation Like It’s a Pizza That Never Arrives
WASHINGTON — As President Donald Trump continues to insist that inflation from his tariffs is “definitely…
Billionaires Engaged in 2025 Power Brawl While Trump Eats Cheeseburger on Balcony
UNITED STATES — As billionaires openly wage chaotic corporate wars across America, political scientists confirmed Friday…
Gen Z Proudly Chooses Lifelong Singledom, Marries Houseplants for Emotional Balance Instead
NATIONWIDE — A growing number of Gen Z individuals are proudly embracing permanent singledom, with many…
Global Survey Finds Americans Eat Like Rabid Raccoons Fighting Over Cheesecake Near Dumpster
INTERNATIONAL — A scathing new global survey released this week concluded that Americans apparently eat like…
Trump Family Offices Struggle to Retain Staff Who Mysteriously Disappear Into Golf Courses
PALM BEACH — Family offices tied to President Donald Trump are reportedly struggling to recruit and…
Political Scientists Confirm America Now Classified as ‘Structurally Hilarious’
WASHINGTON — In a damning new report, experts have declared the United States officially unstable after…
Trump Declares Medicaid “Too Politically Boring,” Replaces It with Raffle System
WASHINGTON — In a brave move to “spice things up,” President Donald Trump announced today the…
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