Trump Declares Success After Iran Bombings, Begins Personally Testing Futuristic Guns and Deploying Attack Clowns
WASHINGTON — President Trump proudly claimed success this week after the U.S. military bombed several nuclear…
Trump’s Iran Strikes Reportedly Based on Vibes, Gut Feelings, and Absolutely No Intelligence
WASHINGTON — In a series of escalating airstrikes against Iran, President Trump has reportedly been guided…
Trump Slams “Lazy” Federal Holidays While Standing in Front of Golf Course
PALM BEACH, FL — President Donald Trump strongly criticized what he called “non-working federal holidays” during…
Jesus Appears at McDonald’s, Urges Nation to Forget Politics and Prioritize Big Macs Instead
CHICAGO — Witnesses at a local McDonald’s reported Wednesday that Jesus Christ materialized near the soda…
Trump’s Iran Policy Officially Determined by Whoever Yelled Loudest in Oval Office That Morning
WASHINGTON — Sources confirmed Tuesday that President Donald Trump’s Iran strategy now hinges entirely on which…
Trump Boldly Threatens Iran’s Supreme Leader, Accidentally Calls Him ‘The King of Lamps’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump escalated tensions with Iran this week after delivering a forceful…
Obama Resurfaces to Calm Nation by Reminding Everyone He Can Still Give a Decent Speech
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise move that rattled both political analysts and struggling podcast hosts,…
Fox News Accused Of Adding Fake Applause, Fireworks, And Screaming Bald Eagles To Trump Parade Live Stream
NEW YORK — Fox News faced heated accusations this week after eagle-eyed viewers alleged the network…
House Republicans, Democrats Courageously Unite To Block Trump From Accidentally Starting War While Ordering Lunch
WASHINGTON — In a rare flash of bipartisan heroism, House Republicans and Democrats banded together this…
Trump Considers Declaring War on New Mexico, Briefly Unsure if It’s a Real State or Just a Fancy Taco Place
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump reportedly spent much of this week seriously considering whether to declare…
Poll Reveals Americans Overwhelmingly Want Trump To Obey Court Rulings, But MAGA Republicans Too Busy Saluting Imaginary Flags To Decide
PENNSYLVANIA — In a groundbreaking new poll conducted by AI Poles For Cheap, an astonishing 98%…
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