Study Finds Chronic Dog Poop Steppers Are Actually Overachievers Destined for Greatness
BOSTON — A groundbreaking new study from the Institute of Behavioral Sciences has found that people…
Nation’s Pseudo-Intellectuals Thriving on Podcasts Without Burden of Formal Education
BROOKLYN, NY — A growing wave of pseudo-intellectuals is finding tremendous success as political commentators on…
Man Admits He Lied to Mother for Years, Claiming Jesus Personally Approved Sour Patch Kids
CLEVELAND — In a shocking confession this week, Jerry Pothouse admitted he spent most of his…
Nation Unsure How Human Robots Should Look, But Agrees ‘Definitely Less Than Greg’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A recent national survey revealed Americans remain sharply divided over how human robots…
Study Finds Carrying Cash Now Considered More Reckless Than Juggling Chainsaws While Blindfolded
CHICAGO — A new safety study released this week found that walking around with physical cash…
Gen Z and Gen Alpha Embrace ‘Messy Authenticity’ Online, Manage to Perfectly Curate Looking Uncurated
MASSACHUSETTS — Social media platforms are now dominated by Gen Z and Gen Alpha, who have…
First-Year NYC Journalist Discovers Men Can Be Toxic, Wonders If City Is Secretly a Chemistry Lab
NEW YORK CITY — In a harrowing first year as a journalist, local newcomer Jane Marlowe…
Gen Z Proudly Chooses Lifelong Singledom, Marries Houseplants for Emotional Balance Instead
NATIONWIDE — A growing number of Gen Z individuals are proudly embracing permanent singledom, with many…
Political Scientists Confirm America Now Classified as ‘Structurally Hilarious’
WASHINGTON — In a damning new report, experts have declared the United States officially unstable after…
Nation Decides Only Way to Make College Worth the Price Is to Turn It Into Haunted Escape Room
WASHINGTON — In a bold attempt to justify the average $120,000 cost of a four-year degree,…
Woman Cures Lifelong Depression by Watching The Three Stooges, Psychiatric Community Unsure Whether to Laugh or Cry
CLEVELAND, OH — Local woman Diane Fields claims her decades-long battle with depression ended after she…
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