First-Year NYC Journalist Discovers Men Can Be Toxic, Wonders If City Is Secretly a Chemistry Lab
NEW YORK CITY — In a harrowing first year as a journalist, local newcomer Jane Marlowe…
Vibe Coding AI Quietly Replaces Engineers While Trump Asks If It Can Build Bigger Flags
SILICON VALLEY — Engineering jobs, once the crown jewel of tech stability, are now quietly dissolving…
Trump Declares Medicaid “Too Politically Boring,” Replaces It with Raffle System
WASHINGTON — In a brave move to “spice things up,” President Donald Trump announced today the…
Professor Fired for Having Opinion That Wasn’t University-Approved Flavor of the Month
BOSTON — In a move experts are calling “completely expected but still mildly exhausting,” Emerson University…
Woman Cures Lifelong Depression by Watching The Three Stooges, Psychiatric Community Unsure Whether to Laugh or Cry
CLEVELAND, OH — Local woman Diane Fields claims her decades-long battle with depression ended after she…
Scientists Warn AI May Soon Use Humans As Meat Robots, Public Shrugs and Scrolls Anyway
PALO ALTO, CA — Researchers at Anthropic sounded alarms this week, cautioning that if trends continue,…
Trump Praises Diaper Layoffs, Says “Babies Should Learn To Hustle”
CINCINNATI, OH — Pampers manufacturer Procter & Gamble announced Monday it will slash 7,000 jobs over…
DNC Rebrands as “The Chill Party” to Lure Voters Who Find Hope Emotionally Exhausting
WASHINGTON — In a heroic move that analysts are calling “technically not illegal,” the Democratic National…
Biden Vows to “Beat the Living Hell Out of” Authors Who Claimed He Can’t Find His Pants
WASHINGTON — Joe Biden pushed back Tuesday against the release of a new book suggesting his…
Trump Administration’s Attempt to Replace Federal Agencies With One Guy Named Rick Temporarily Blocked by Judge
WASHINGTON — In a setback for President Trump’s plan to “streamline America into one office chair,”…
Woman With 10 Cats Declares “Soup and Crackers Forever,” Achieves Budget Nirvana
BOISE, ID — Local woman Janine Keller, 46, has embraced what she calls the “simple cheap…
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