Harvard Study Finds Daily Smiling And Clapping Significantly Reduces Chances Of Marrying Total Disaster
Nation’s Spines Officially Surrender as Doom Scrolling, Slouching, and Existential Dread Form Perfect Posture Apocalypse
Traditional Wife Heroically Calls Cleaning in Heels a Form of ‘Soft Rebellion’ Against Microwave Culture
Gen Z and Gen Alpha Embrace ‘Messy Authenticity’ Online, Manage to Perfectly Curate Looking Uncurated
Nutrition Experts Urge Public to Eat Rainbow, Immediately Regret It After Seeing What Blue Food Looks Like
Pentagon Slashes AI Weapons Testing Team, Accelerating Nation’s March Toward Glitchy Robot Apocalypse
Experts Recommend Continuing 401(k) Contributions Despite Nation’s Obvious Collapse Into Flaming Financial Void
Fox News Accused Of Adding Fake Applause, Fireworks, And Screaming Bald Eagles To Trump Parade Live Stream
House Republicans, Democrats Courageously Unite To Block Trump From Accidentally Starting War While Ordering Lunch
Trump Considers Declaring War on New Mexico, Briefly Unsure if It’s a Real State or Just a Fancy Taco Place
Family·Food·World by Ghost Writer Nutrition Experts Urge Public to Eat Rainbow, Immediately Regret It After Seeing What Blue Food Looks Like UTAH — In a groundbreaking health recommendation, scientists have declared that eating every color of the… June 16, 2025
Family·Lifestyle·World by Ghost Writer Traditional Wife Heroically Calls Cleaning in Heels a Form of ‘Soft Rebellion’ Against Microwave Culture TOPEKA, KS — Local traditional wife Kelly Potworst announced Thursday that her lifestyle of homeschooling, cooking,… June 13, 2025
Family·Opinion·World by Ghost Writer Gen Z Proudly Chooses Lifelong Singledom, Marries Houseplants for Emotional Balance Instead NATIONWIDE — A growing number of Gen Z individuals are proudly embracing permanent singledom, with many… June 12, 2025
Family·Lifestyle·World by Ghost Writer Global Survey Finds Americans Eat Like Rabid Raccoons Fighting Over Cheesecake Near Dumpster INTERNATIONAL — A scathing new global survey released this week concluded that Americans apparently eat like… June 12, 2025
Business·Family·Spooky·World by Ghost Writer Trump Family Offices Struggle to Retain Staff Who Mysteriously Disappear Into Golf Courses PALM BEACH — Family offices tied to President Donald Trump are reportedly struggling to recruit and… June 12, 2025
Family·Politics by Ghost Writer Experts Recommend Flashcards, GPS to Navigate Chaotic Anti-Trump Protest Politics WASHINGTON — As anti-Trump protests surged for months now, political analysts confirmed Thursday that decoding the… June 12, 2025
Family·Lifestyle by Ghost Writer Scientist Spends 17 Years, $40 Million to Discover That Moving Your Body Occasionally Might Be Good CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a groundbreaking study that took nearly two decades and an obscene amount… June 10, 2025
Family·Opinion·World by Ghost Writer Nation Decides Only Way to Make College Worth the Price Is to Turn It Into Haunted Escape Room WASHINGTON — In a bold attempt to justify the average $120,000 cost of a four-year degree,… June 6, 2025
Family·Lifestyle·Local News·World by Ghost Writer Walmart Deploys Security Robots, Shoppers Miss Warmth of Judgmental Human Greeters TOPEKA — Chaos broke out at a local Walmart this week after the retail giant deployed… June 6, 2025
Business·Entertainment·Family·World by Ghost Writer Tesla Stock Plummets After Musk-Trump Feud Forces Investors to Choose Favorite Cult Leader AUSTIN — Tesla shares cratered this week, shedding $380 billion in value after CEO Elon Musk’s… June 6, 2025
Family·News·Opinion by Ghost Writer Woman Cures Lifelong Depression by Watching The Three Stooges, Psychiatric Community Unsure Whether to Laugh or Cry CLEVELAND, OH — Local woman Diane Fields claims her decades-long battle with depression ended after she… June 5, 2025
3 Harvard Study Finds Daily Smiling And Clapping Significantly Reduces Chances Of Marrying Total Disaster