LOS ANGELES — Los Angeles descended into chaos Tuesday as President Trump’s nationwide “Democracy-Free Zone” initiative took effect, enforcing a strict curfew to prevent unauthorized gatherings of hope or civic engagement. LAPD officers in tactical gear arrested dozens of citizens caught whispering about voter rights or carrying unlicensed copies of the Constitution.
Governor Gavin Newsom, visibly distraught, held a press conference from an undisclosed In-N-Out Burger to condemn Trump’s “assault on democracy.” His speech was cut short when federal agents arrived to remind him California is now legally classified as a “misunderstanding.” Meanwhile, protesters were swiftly dispersed with non-lethal confetti cannons filled with shredded civics textbooks.
The White House defended the curfew, citing concerns that unchecked democracy could lead to “unfair elections, informed citizens, and other un-American activities.” A Trump spokesperson clarified, “Freedom is still allowed, but only between 9 AM and noon, and preferably in private.” Residents caught outside past curfew were given the choice between a $5,000 fine or a mandatory viewing of a 10-hour Trump rally loop.
As helicopters circled downtown LA, a lone protestor was seen holding a sign reading, “This Seems Like a Lot.” He was immediately tackled by a SWAT team and charged with “excessive clarity.” Political analysts predict the next phase of Trump’s plan will involve replacing all voting booths with slot machines that only pay out in “thoughts and prayers.”
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