CALIFORNIA — In a stunning display of technological punctuality, Google began rolling out its June 2025 Pixel Watch update this week, just three months behind schedule. Early adopters reported the update successfully installed before mysteriously reverting to a screensaver of a sad cartoon battery crying.
The update promised “new features,” which sources confirm is corporate speak for “we moved the settings menu again.” Users hoping for improved battery life were instead greeted with a notification reading “Bold of you to assume we fixed that.” The watch now lasts up to 45 minutes between charges, or one bathroom break in tech time.
Google engineers celebrated the achievement by high-fiving across time zones, accidentally creating twelve new bugs in the process. The update’s patch notes included the cryptic line “Fixed an issue where time moved forward,” leaving many to wonder if their watches had been secretly running in reverse.
Early adopters can now enjoy exciting new glitches like their step counter registering “emotional steps” during stressful meetings. Meanwhile, the watch’s signature feature – randomly rebooting during important moments – remains proudly untouched.
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