WASHINGTON — In a surprise announcement, President Donald Trump took full credit for Xbox’s newly revealed handheld console, proudly stating he “personally approved the buttons.” Trump claimed his direct involvement made the device’s screen “bigger, better, and probably more patriotic.” Microsoft officials looked visibly confused but nodded quietly to avoid triggering an unnecessary trade investigation.
The Xbox Rog Ally, long speculated by gamers, boasts a large screen flanked by split controllers, closely resembling the Nintendo Switch 2 and the Steam Deck. Trump described it as “the best-looking rectangle I’ve ever seen” and declared that his input made it “at least 12 percent faster.” White House aides later clarified that the president’s contribution was mostly enthusiastic pointing.
Trump’s sudden ownership of the Xbox announcement reportedly stems from overhearing a staffer mention the word “ally,” which he mistakenly assumed referred to international diplomacy. After several minutes of intense misunderstanding, Trump insisted that the console be presented as a product of his administration’s “bold innovation agenda.” No one challenged him, and the rollout quietly continued.
Gamers worldwide expressed cautious excitement about the handheld’s potential, but Trump quickly redirected attention by suggesting that future consoles could include a mandatory loyalty quiz. The quiz would determine whether the user could unlock multiplayer functions, with bonus points for recognizing the president’s favorite golf course. Industry experts declined to comment.
Microsoft representatives gently reminded reporters that the Xbox Rog Ally has been in development for years without presidential input. Trump ignored this and promised to consider a “Trump Edition” featuring exclusive gold buttons and pre-installed sound effects of his speeches. He closed the press conference by holding the console upside down and calling it “the most incredible cell phone I’ve ever built.”
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