CLEVELAND, OH — Local woman Diane Fields claims her decades-long battle with depression ended after she began watching The Three Stooges for two hours every day. “I haven’t cried in months, unless you count the time Curly got hit with three pies and a fish,” said Fields, who now measures time in nyuk-nyuks instead of hours.
Her mental health turnaround has baffled medical professionals. “It’s unconventional,” said Dr. Lena Morris, “but she’s off meds, smiling, and actively avoiding Twitter, so who are we to judge?” Fields says she first tried it as a joke during a rough week and “accidentally healed her entire psyche” around the tenth eye poke. The healing power of slapstick, it turns out, is underestimated.
She’s since developed a strict Stooge regimen: Larry in the morning for balance, Moe before meals for discipline, and Curly at bedtime for serenity. She claims her brain now rejects sad thoughts unless they’re accompanied by a slide whistle. Attempts by friends to discuss serious topics are met with cartoonish bonks on the head using a foam mallet she keeps “just in case.”
Critics say the method lacks scientific support. Fields disagrees, pointing to her improved mood, clearer skin, and ability to forgive her ex after watching him slip on a banana peel. “People spend thousands on therapy,” she said, “when sometimes all you need is a guy falling off a ladder while holding a pie.”
Inspired by her story, several hospitals are now piloting a Stooge-based treatment wing. Results are mixed, but staff say morale has improved and patient fights are now significantly more entertaining.
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