SEOUL — Sworn in as the most powerful South Korean president in decades, Lee Jae-myung assured citizens Tuesday he would face the country’s deep political turmoil with the same level-headedness he brings to board games: sustained eye contact, unblinking patience, and a firm belief that rules are just light suggestions.
In his inaugural address, Lee vowed to usher in a new era of unity, accountability, and strategically timed bathroom breaks whenever bipartisan talks begin. “I’ve been given immense authority,” he said. “And I promise to use it mostly to schedule meetings that start at 4:58 p.m. on Fridays and last until democracy stops calling my phone.”
The nation’s political climate remains perilous, marked by polarization, scandal fatigue, and elected officials who now refer to one another exclusively through subtweets. Lee’s transition team has unveiled a bold plan that includes renaming Parliament to “The Mood Room” and requiring all lawmakers to settle disputes via interpretive dance-offs and passive-aggressive sticky notes.
Opposition leaders remain skeptical. “We’re not saying he’s unqualified,” said one rival, “but his proposed solution to legislative gridlock was simply ‘what if everyone just shuts up for ten minutes and thinks about puppies?’” The comment was later retracted after focus groups showed overwhelming support for the puppy plan.
Despite the chaos, Lee remains unfazed, stating he draws strength from historical figures like Lincoln, Mandela, and the one Subway manager who always keeps calm during lunch rush. When asked about long-term goals, he replied, “Eventually, I hope to be a hologram. That way I can be in six meetings at once and disappoint everyone simultaneously, but with better lighting and slightly more charisma.”
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