KANSAS — A new viral blog post titled “9 Ways to Cut Your Most Expensive Bills Without Giving Up Anything And Losing Your Marriage” has desperate couples clinging to its advice like a life raft in a sea of joint bank statements. Author and self-proclaimed “financial illusionist” Greg Dwindle insists savings can be achieved through sheer trickery and selective honesty.
The first tip suggests replacing family meals with “strategic fasting,” rebranded as an intermittent health cleanse. “If your partner complains, just say it’s what billionaires do,” Dwindle advises. Another gem involves canceling streaming subscriptions and blaming it on hackers, then “heroically” restoring one service after a week of feigned outrage. “They’ll be so relieved they won’t check the bill,” he explains.
For electricity savings, Dwindle recommends unscrewing every other bulb and gaslighting your spouse into believing the house was always this dim. Car payments? Simply park farther away and claim walking builds character. “If they question it, ask why they hate self-improvement,” the guide shrugs. The most controversial tip involves secretly downgrading the Wi-Fi and pretending the internet is “just slower these days.”
Critics argue these methods are less “financial advice” and more “how to get divorced quietly.” Yet Dwindle stands firm. “Marriage is about compromise,” he says. “Mostly compromising your partner’s comfort without them realizing it.” When asked if honesty might be simpler, he laughed for seven straight minutes before hanging up.
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