ASUS Routers Secretly Working for Mysterious ‘Tech Support’ Nation, Researchers Discover

Image by Eden Moon from Pixabay

DELAWARE — In what cybersecurity experts are calling “the worst customer service experience imaginable,” thousands of ASUS routers have been infected with an ultra-persistent backdoor that survives reboots, updates, and even the desperate pleading of users who just wanted to watch Netflix in peace. The stealthy invasion gives attackers full admin rights, effectively turning home networks into unwilling sleeper agents.

Researchers say the breach was executed with surgical precision, likely by a nation-state that clearly doesn’t respect the sanctity of your smart fridge. The attackers exploited vulnerabilities so obscure they never even got a CVE number, proving that if you ignore software updates long enough, someone else will handle them for you—just not in your favor.

Once inside, the hackers install an encryption key, allowing them to waltz in via SSH whenever they please. “It’s like leaving your front door open with a sign that says ‘Rob Me, But Use the Good China,’” said one analyst. Homeowners report strange new devices appearing on their networks, including one labeled “Totally Not Spyware (Trust Me Bro).”

ASUS has yet to comment, though their website now features a new troubleshooting page titled “So Your Router Is Compromised By Shadowy Operatives.” In yet another development absolutely no one could’ve seen coming, security experts recommend the classic fix: unplugging your router, throwing it into the ocean, and moving to a cabin in the woods.

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