FLORIDA — In a stunning display of consistency, SpaceX’s Starship rocket exploded for the third consecutive test flight, delighting spectators with what Elon Musk now calls “our signature aerial fireworks program.” The billionaire CEO assured investors this was all part of the plan, revealing a bold new strategy to “fail upwards at an accelerated pace.” Analysts note each explosion provides valuable data, mostly about how loud things can boom.
Musk has rebranded the setbacks as “rapid unscheduled successions of rapid unscheduled disassemblies,” adding that customers can soon subscribe to weekly launches for just $99/month. “Why wait years for Mars when you can watch a rocket blow up every Friday?” he tweeted from the wreckage-strewn Boca Chica launch site. NASA officials reportedly nodded along before quietly reactivating their slide rules.
Local wildlife has adapted beautifully to the new normal, with endangered species now using the charred landing pads as toasty nesting sites. “Nothing says ‘habitat restoration’ like a perpetual rain of molten steel,” said one SpaceX engineer while brushing rocket shrapnel out of his hair. Environmentalists have applauded the company for creating Earth’s first artificial meteor shower.
Critics argue the repeated failures prove Starship isn’t ready, but Musk countered that humanity itself wasn’t ready for fire when it was discovered. His next launch is scheduled for tomorrow, or as SpaceX’s countdown clock now reads: “Whenever, lol.” When asked about FAA concerns, Musk reportedly handed the inspector a whoopee cushion and walked away.
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