ARIZONA — In a joy-filled move that has therapists both concerned and mildly impressed, local man Greg Durnsby has solved his crippling loneliness by hosting weekly dinner parties for his own shadow. The elaborate affairs feature candlelit place settings, carefully curated playlists, and one-sided conversations that Durnsby insists are “way less awkward than Tinder dates.”
Neighbors report hearing lively debates coming from his apartment, though forensic analysis revealed these were just Durnsby dramatically pausing between bites to let Shadow Greg “respond.” The menu is always Shadow Greg’s favorite: whatever Durnsby himself is craving. “He’s got simple tastes, just like me, because he literally is me,” explained the host while pouring two identical glasses of Malbec.
Relationship experts have called this a troubling new low in America’s loneliness epidemic, though they admit it’s more emotionally stable than most situationships. Durnsby recently upgraded to duo board game nights, where he plays both sides in Scrabble. “Shadow Greg always lets me win,” he whispered while laying down “DELUSIONAL” for triple points.
The only conflict arose when Durnsby caught his shadow flirting with the silhouette of a houseplant during last Tuesday’s fondue night. Couples therapy is reportedly not an option since his shadow refuses to split the copay. When reached for comment, Shadow Greg declined to respond but appeared to nod solemnly when Durnsby asked if this bit had gone too far.
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