WASHINGTON — In a so-called brave move to address America’s ballooning national debt, Republican lawmakers have unveiled a groundbreaking strategy: pretending it isn’t there. “If we don’t look at the numbers, they can’t hurt us,” explained one congressman while shredding a CBO report and humming loudly with his fingers in his ears. Economists call this the “See No Debt, Hear No Debt” approach.
Conservative think tanks have enthusiastically endorsed the plan, releasing studies proving deficits disappear when you squint hard enough. “Our models show that if we cut taxes for the wealthy and then close our eyes really tight, the money will trickle up into a magical rainbow fund,” said one analyst. Critics argue this is just voodoo economics with extra glitter.
The White House has embraced the strategy, with President Trump declaring the national debt “fake news” before adding another zero to the deficit for dramatic effect. Treasury officials now refer to budget shortfalls as “surprise savings opportunities” and have started paying bills in IOUs drawn on the backs of future generations. When asked how this ends, one senator shrugged and said, “Probably with Bitcoin.”
Democrats have expressed outrage, demanding fiscal responsibility while quietly calculating how much they can spend once they’re back in power. Meanwhile, economists warn that ignoring debt only works until the bill comes due, which coincidentally is scheduled for right after the next election. The American public remains blissfully unaware, having long assumed the national debt was just Monopoly money anyway.
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