WASHINGTON — As the Democratic Party faces internal collapse and a nationwide identity crisis, many top operatives are privately questioning whether former President Barack Obama still holds sway or if he’s just the smooth-talking guy who occasionally shows up in inboxes asking for $7 with dramatic subject lines like “all hope is gone.”
Once the north star of liberal optimism, Obama now exists primarily as a blurry podcast voice and ceremonial fundraiser-in-chief. Sources say his recent appearance at a DNC gala received polite applause, followed by a prolonged silence when he quoted Hamilton again. “It used to give people chills,” said one staffer. “Now it just reminds them ticket prices are nonrefundable.”
Obama has continued urging party unity while seemingly unaware the party is mostly trying to set itself on fire in four different directions. “His speeches still sound great,” said one consultant. “But it’s like hearing a bedtime story read during an actual earthquake.” Obama did not respond to requests for comment, though a spokesperson did offer a free sticker to anyone willing to “chip in before midnight.”
Younger Democrats now reportedly view Obama less as a visionary and more like a polite uncle who gives vague advice and keeps tagging them in old photos from 2008. “He keeps saying we’ve got to move forward,” said one 26-year-old volunteer. “But then he tells us to support the 82-year-old senator who’s been in office since the moon landing.” Despite everything, Democrats still consider Obama their best fundraiser, most popular surrogate, and only member who can pronounce “Iowa” without crying. Meanwhile, party strategists are quietly discussing whether Michelle might still run, or if they should just skip 2028 entirely and start preparing for the alien elections of 2032.
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