CALIFORNIA — A groundbreaking new study has revealed that individuals who practice hot yoga are significantly more likely to inform strangers, coworkers, and even their pets about their sweaty spiritual pursuits. The research, conducted by the National Institute of Obvious Observations, found that 90% of hot yoga enthusiasts will work their practice into conversations about completely unrelated topics, such as weather, taxes, or funeral arrangements.
Lead researcher Dr. Alan Whitmore expressed shock at the data. “We expected some correlation, but not this level of sheer evangelism,” he said. “One subject interrupted their own dental surgery to explain the detox benefits of Bikram yoga. The dentist was just trying to remove a molar.” Participants in the study were observed inserting phrases like “my studio” and “total rebirth” into discussions about grocery shopping, car repairs, and geopolitical conflicts.
The phenomenon has left psychologists scrambling for explanations. Some theorize that the 105-degree studio temperatures literally bake the humility out of practitioners, while others suggest it’s a survival mechanism. “If you pay $35 to sweat in a mirrored room for an hour, you need to justify it to yourself by convincing others,” said behavioral economist Dr. Lisa Tran. “Next, we’re studying CrossFit devotees, but we fear the results may break our equipment.”
Hold onto your pearls for this one, local man Greg Thompson, who took one hot yoga class in 2017, confirmed he still mentions it on first dates. “It’s not just exercise,” he explained to a visibly uncomfortable barista. “It’s a lifestyle. Also, can you add cayenne to my latte? It helps with inflammation.” Experts predict the trend will only worsen as more people discover the ancient art of overpriced dehydration. Until then, the public is advised to nod politely and slowly back away.
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