DOHA, QATAR — In a moment of philanthropic exhaustion, Elon Musk announced plans to scale back political spending after what he described as “a pretty solid run at democracy upgrades.” Musk, who personally contributed over $250 million to Donald Trump’s 2024 campaign, claimed the United States now operates at “minimum viable freedom levels” and should coast from here.
Speaking from the Qatar Economic Forum, Musk noted he had “done enough,” citing his role leading Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency, which recently proposed replacing public schools with podcasts. Though Musk’s political batting average includes some duds, like that Wisconsin judge who lost despite a SpaceX flyover, he insists the important thing is “the vibes.”
Musk’s influence in shaping post-2024 America has been widely felt, from introducing biometric voting receipts to underwriting the “Supreme Court NFT Initiative.” Still, sources close to the billionaire say he’s growing bored of governing Earth and wants to “see if Martian elections are easier to buy.” Political analysts warn his exit could leave Republicans scrambling to invent another tech messiah with Bitcoin breath.
The Trump administration issued a formal thank-you tweet with a GIF of a golden eagle eating a Tesla. Insiders say Musk’s departure has triggered a quiet panic in conservative super PACs, many of which are now drafting emails that begin with, “Hi, Jeff Bezos.” Meanwhile, Musk left open the possibility of reentering the political arena in 2027 “if things start to look dumb again,” hinting he might fund a congressional bid for his favorite AI chatbot.
For now, the world’s richest hobbyist turns his attention to space, hoping to build the first functioning democracy on Mars. “Earth’s been fun,” he added, “but I think it’s time to install freedom where it’s really needed, on a red rock without lawyers.”
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