BERLIN — In what scholars are calling “mildly soul-crushing,” a German historian uncovered a lost interview with 19th-century philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, revealing a conversational style best described as emotionally contagious. The handwritten transcript, buried inside a hollowed-out edition of The World as Will and Representation, was found during a library’s routine despair audit.
The interview, dated 1853, opens with Schopenhauer greeting the journalist with a sentence that translates roughly to “Ah, another mouth needing to feed on futility.” From there, he launches into a thirty-minute monologue questioning why chairs are even necessary if no one truly rests. The historian described the interview as “philosophically rich, but functionally a one-man suicide note.”
Throughout the interview, Schopenhauer revisits his famous argument that all existence is merely the expression of an irrational will, clarifying he does not find this interesting, just “relentlessly tedious.” When asked what he enjoys doing in his spare time, he reportedly shrugged, stared at the floor, and muttered, “Decay happens on its own.” The transcript includes several marginal notes from the interviewer, including “is he always like this?” and “remind me to cancel dinner.”
The final portion of the document features Schopenhauer debating with a cat that had wandered into the room, accusing it of embodying “the screaming silence of endless hunger.” Scholars praised the clarity of his ideas while also recommending readers “consume it in short, manageable doses.” A reprint of the interview will be released this fall by a niche academic press specializing in soul erosion. The historian, now under observation for existential ennui, told reporters, “It’s a major discovery, though I’m not sure it helps anyone. Then again, what does?”
© 2025 The Daily Snort
