TULSA, OK — After years of self-improvement podcasts and seasonal depression, local woman Jessica Hale confirmed Monday that she is finally “living her best life” after lowering her expectations to include such wins as waking up before noon and remembering to pay at least one bill. Friends described the transformation as “visibly stable.”
Hale’s revelation came shortly after she celebrated a full week without ordering delivery twice in one day. Sources say she now identifies as a “realistic optimist,” a term she coined while staring into a cracked bathroom mirror and eating a banana for dinner. Her therapist reportedly upgraded her from “spiraling” to “holding pattern.”
“I used to think ‘best life’ meant hiking in Peru or launching a candle brand,” Hale explained. “Now it means flossing once a week and having clean laundry, not necessarily both.” She recently purchased a vision board but filled it entirely with pictures of tap water, adequate lighting, and socks without holes. Aspirations include surviving summer.
Hale’s inner circle noted other signs of growth, including her ability to say “I’m tired” instead of “everything is meaningless.” She also replaced her yoga mat with a weighted blanket and began journaling with phrases like “at least I’m not on fire” and “this coffee is drinkable.” Her cat has stopped judging her, allegedly.
Experts say the bar for happiness has never been lower, and Hale’s approach may become the national baseline. “She’s not thriving, but she’s not actively dissolving,” said a lifestyle coach. “That’s the new American dream.” Hale plans to celebrate her progress with a night in, three glasses of wine, and not texting her ex. Her new mantra? “It’s not great, but I’ve seen worse.”
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