Trump Applauds Saudi AI Deal, Says Future of Humanity “Looks Handsome, Obedient, and Extremely Funded”

Image by Brian Penny from Pixabay

RIYADH — During his 2025 visit to Saudi Arabia, President Trump hailed the kingdom’s launch of Humain, a $40 billion AI venture that may one day generate poetry, power grids, or plausible deniability. Flanked by Nvidia’s CEO and suspiciously quiet engineers, Trump celebrated the partnership as “historic, futuristic, and terrific for campaign ad production.”

Nvidia will supply semiconductors for a 500-megawatt data center, a structure expected to consume more electricity than Denmark but produce significantly fewer moral objections. Trump called the project “a beautiful blend of oil and algorithms,” then asked if he could brand it “Trump Data World.” Negotiations reportedly stalled when he requested gold-plated servers shaped like bald eagles.

Saudi Arabia plans to build 1.9 gigawatts of AI capacity by 2030, focusing on Arabic language models and surveillance with spiritual undertones. Trump expressed admiration for their “strong sense of data localization, discipline, and indoor cooling.” He also praised the nation’s ability to attract tech giants by requiring them to build servers or be forgotten.

Amazon, Oracle, and Google were unavailable for comment, though an anonymous AWS executive was overheard muttering about “data retention and soul forfeiture clauses.” Trump insisted the partnership was a win for jobs, AI, and the concept of intelligence with no legal address. He later requested a tour of the GPU vault.

Critics worry the deal cements authoritarian influence over global AI, but Trump dismissed concerns, stating that “robots don’t do woke” and that Arabic chatbots were “probably better behaved than most journalists.” As the press conference ended, Humain’s prototype language model offered to write Trump’s next memoir. It promised accuracy, loyalty, and a 95% chance of making sense. Silicon Valley reportedly wept, then invested.

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