COLUMBUS, OH — Faced with rising therapy costs and a dwindling supply of hope, 29-year-old Brenda Vagini announced Monday that she’s officially transitioned to gaslighting herself into emotional stability. The self-guided mental health plan includes daily affirmations like “It’s not that bad” and “Maybe I overreacted by crying in the cereal aisle again.”
Brenda, who briefly considered online therapy before seeing the price of “basic human functioning,” says her DIY method offers flexibility, self-deception, and no cancellation fees. She now copes by narrating internal crises with the voice of a chill podcaster and labeling symptoms as “quirks” or “raw creative energy.” Side effects include temporary clarity and snacks.
“My brain isn’t broken, it’s just dramatic,” Brenda told herself confidently, while gently weeping into a pillow shaped like a cloud. She’s developed a schedule that alternates between overanalyzing texts and power-napping through existential dread. She occasionally scribbles affirmations on Post-its like “You’re not sad, you’re vintage tired” and “Everyone’s faking it, especially therapists.”
Friends have expressed concern, but Brenda assures them she’s thriving under this new plan. She recently upgraded from spontaneous crying to scheduled sobbing and reports fewer emotional outbursts during microwave beeping. She even set boundaries with her anxiety by pretending it’s an ex who never calls back. Growth, she claims, is relative.
Mental health professionals caution against prolonged self-gaslighting, but Vagini says it’s cheaper than insurance and easier than vulnerability. Her latest breakthrough involved convincing herself that avoiding feelings is actually “emotional minimalism.” She plans to release an eBook titled Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss Your Way to Functional Numbness. Early reviews describe it as “concerning, but efficient.” Vagini says she’s fine, probably, and that counts.
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