SEOUL — Samsung launched its Galaxy S25 Edge Monday by introducing a phone so thin it legally counts as a blade in three countries. Measuring 5.8 millimeters thick and weighing 163 grams, the $1,099 device is being marketed as “everything you love, minus all that annoying physical presence.” Battery sold separately, spiritually.
To ensure maximum emotional attachment, Samsung enlisted K-pop icon Felix Lee to promote the phone with a whispery, well-lit commercial that left viewers unsure whether they were buying electronics or joining a cult. “We wanted to show how the phone can be felt, even if it cannot be perceived,” said one executive, blinking in binary.
Felix reportedly held the phone for two minutes before it slid silently out of existence, possibly through a crack in reality or an unpaid intern’s pocket. Fans on social media applauded the partnership, calling the S25 Edge “as emotionally complex and flat as Felix himself,” with early adopters already lining up for the chance to feel inferior in higher definition.
Samsung claims the device redefines premium with features including an AI-powered mirror app, a mood-sensitive selfie cam, and a built-in translator that can convert heartbreak into Instagram captions. The phone also ships in three colors: Ghost Silver, Anxiety Blue, and “Limited Edition Skin Tone #4.”
Industry analysts agree the S25 Edge is a marvel of engineering and marketing psychosis. “We’re witnessing the first phone that actively disappears from your life while still charging you monthly,” said one tech reviewer. When asked about durability, Samsung reps confirmed it survives drops only if cushioned by emotional detachment or an unopened K-pop album.
Apple declined to comment, although a leaked memo referred to Samsung as “the aesthetic threat.”
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