MENLO PARK, CA — In a rare moment of corporate vulnerability, Instagram CEO Adam Mosseri confirmed Wednesday that the platform has lived in quiet, paralyzing fear of TikTok since roughly 2019. Sources say the app has spent years watching TikTok’s meteoric rise while nervously refreshing its own engagement metrics in a dimly lit server closet.
Mosseri confessed during a tech summit panel that every Instagram update since 2020 has essentially been a panicked attempt to mimic TikTok without appearing like it’s mimicking TikTok. “We just thought if we added enough pointless features, users would stop noticing they were bored,” he said, adjusting his hoodie and blinking in Morse code for help.
Behind closed doors, Instagram executives reportedly spend entire meetings staring at TikTok trends and whispering, “What are they doing that we’re not?” before adding another video button and calling it innovation. Meta insiders say the app has developed a full-blown inferiority complex, with some engineers beginning their workdays by apologizing to Reels.
Users have noticed. “Every time I open Instagram, it feels like it’s having a midlife crisis,” said one 22-year-old who now spends four hours a day watching synchronized lip-syncs of emotionally unavailable men on TikTok. “It’s like your dad trying to go viral.”
Despite the anxiety, Instagram remains committed to evolving into whatever it thinks teens want this week. Mosseri says the team is working hard to find its “authentic voice” by copying TikTok slightly slower and with more meetings. For now, executives have reportedly installed calming mood lights in headquarters and asked staff to stop referring to TikTok as “Daddy Algorithm.”
Instagram declined further comment, though it did post a Reel about staying true to yourself, set to sped-up Adele.
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