WASHINGTON — In his latest display of financial genius, President Donald Trump declared Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell a “FOOL” after the central bank once again refused to bend reality to his will. The Fed’s decision to keep interest rates steady has reportedly enraged Trump, who believes monetary policy should work like one of his casino bankruptcies.
White House aides confirmed Trump demanded the Fed either “print way more money” or “just make the numbers go up,” complaining that Powell lacks his “natural instinct for debt.” Economists gently reminded the president that interest rates aren’t set by how loudly you insult CNBC anchors, but Trump was last seen drafting an executive order to replace the prime rate with “vibes.”
The financial markets barely twitched at either the Fed’s decision or Trump’s latest meltdown, though gold prices did spike when he muttered “maybe we should go back to that gold standard thing” during a Fox Business interview. Powell, now in his eighth year of pretending not to hear Trump’s insults, was spotted reading a book titled “How to Retire Early” during the press conference.
As Americans struggle with inflation caused by Trump’s 2025 “Just Print It” stimulus plan, the president has reportedly shifted focus to his new economic theory: “If we all believe stocks are high, they’ll be high.” Treasury officials were seen chugging Pepto-Bismol while the Nasdaq hit “meme stock” levels unseen since 2021.
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