WASHINGTON — In a miraculous display of patriotic rebranding, the GOP-led House passed a bill this week to rename the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America,” a move supporters say will finally correct the cartographic oversight of not naming a major body of water after the greatest country on Earth. Critics argue the change is unnecessary, but lawmakers insist it’s a crucial step in ensuring no one forgets who owns the water.
President Trump hailed the decision as a “tremendous victory for American geography,” adding that the name “Gulf of Mexico” was “unfair, very one-sided, and probably rigged.” The bill, which sailed through the House with minimal debate, also includes a provision requiring all new maps sold in the U.S. to feature the updated name or face a $10,000 fine.
Mexican officials, when reached for comment, simply sighed and hung up the phone. In today’s completely unforeseen twist, Florida residents expressed confusion over whether this meant they now lived on the “American Riviera” or if they were just supposed to feel better about rising sea levels. Environmental groups worry the name change won’t stop hurricanes, but Republicans assure them it will at least make the storms more patriotic.
The Senate is expected to fast-track the bill, with some senators already proposing additional renames, including the “Atlantic Ocean of Freedom” and the “Pacific Pond of Liberty.” If passed, experts predict Canada may quietly slip away into the Arctic before anyone notices.
© 2025 The Daily Snort
