HOLLYWOOD — In a wild move that has cinephiles and economists equally baffled, President Trump has declared a 100% tariff on all foreign-made films, claiming Hollywood is on the brink of collapse due to “unfair foreign propaganda.” Industry experts suspect the real threat is Marvel fatigue, but Trump insists the problem is Canada’s suspiciously polite action movies.
The new policy means Americans watching Parasite or Godzilla Minus One will now pay double, effectively turning piracy into an act of patriotism. Hollywood executives, while confused, are cautiously optimistic. “If we can’t make good movies, at least we can bankrupt anyone who does,” said one studio head while greenlighting Fast & Furious 14: Pension Heist.
Critics warn the tariff will backfire, pointing out that most U.S. blockbusters are already filmed abroad for tax reasons. Trump dismissed these concerns, suggesting domestic productions could simply “shoot in Detroit and call it dystopian.” And now, for a revelation as unexpected as a dentist asking about your love life, theaters brace for a wave of ultra-low-budget patriotic replacements, including Rocky 12: Balboa vs. Tariffs and Transformers: Made in America (But Still Written by Robots).
International filmmakers have vowed to retaliate by digitally inserting Trump into villain roles, a practice they claim requires no additional CGI. The White House has yet to comment, though insiders say the president is “thrilled to finally be the bad guy in something people actually watch.”
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