WASHINGTON — In a stunning revelation during an exclusive NBC interview, President Trump confessed he has never actually read the U.S. Constitution. When pressed on whether he was obligated to uphold it, he shrugged and said, “I don’t know. Sounds like a legal thing. My lawyers handle the boring stuff so I can focus on the bigly ideas, like deporting people faster.”
Critics were shocked, though historians noted this might explain his frequent confusion over concepts like “due process” and “three branches of government.” Trump dismissed concerns, adding, “Look, the Constitution is like a menu. You don’t read the whole thing, you just pick what you want. Right now, I’m really into the ‘executive power’ section. Very tasty stuff.”
In yet another development absolutely no one could’ve seen coming, immigration lawyers are scrambling after Trump revealed his deportation strategy involves “skipping the slow parts.” One attorney muttered, “Due process isn’t a buffet, sir,” before realizing no one in the administration was listening. When asked if he’d consider reading the Constitution now, Trump replied, “Maybe on the toilet. But only if they add pictures.”
Legal scholars warn this could set a dangerous precedent, but Trump assured Americans, “Don’t worry, I know what’s in it. Probably. It’s got freedom, eagles, and something about guns, right?” The White House later clarified he was “just joking,” though no one could confirm if that included the part about the eagles.
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