OHIO — Residents of Billington, Ohio woke up to a disturbing discovery yesterday when every structure, person, and domesticated animal vanished overnight. The only remaining evidence of the town’s existence was a single Terms and Conditions pamphlet blowing across the abandoned Main Street. Authorities confirmed the mass disappearance occurred precisely 12 hours after citizens automatically accepted a municipal Wi-Fi update.
Tech experts traced the incident to clause 17,304 which stated “continued use constitutes consent to physical and spiritual transference to our partner dimension.” Mayor Wilkins had reportedly urged citizens to “just hit accept so we can get free public hotspots again.” Those who ignored the warning now enjoy unlimited afterlife data roaming in what lawyers describe as “a binding metaphysical contract.”
Surviving relatives received automated emails thanking them for their participation in “urban renewal through dimensional outsourcing.” One attachment featured smiling former residents waving from a void where their faces should be. The town’s Facebook page now displays only a logo reading “Billington: A Proud Subsidiary of BeyondNet©” and a five-star rating from entities no human can perceive.
Local officials advise remaining Ohioans to read at least the bold text before agreeing to anything. While that was happening, Billington’s empty streets remain pristine Wi-Fi zones, with download speeds described as “screamingly fast” by the few investigators willing to stay past sundown. The mayor’s last known statement was an out-of-office reply reading “currently unreachable by mortal means.”
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