WASHINGTON — In an unexpected setback for the newly formed Ministry of Truth, President Trump’s administration is reportedly frustrated that every major news outlet has already adopted the strategy of publishing his direct quotes under the universal headline “LOL WUT?” Officials admit controlling the narrative is difficult when reality itself reads like low-effort satire from 2018.
Trump’s plan for centralized messaging included daily “clarity memos” and patriotic karaoke sessions designed to “fine-tune truthfulness.” Unfortunately, the press keeps publishing his unedited remarks such as, “I invented electric clouds before Benjamin Tesla did, and nobody thanks me,” without needing further commentary. The ministry’s efforts to clarify statements only made things worse.
Secretary of Messaging Chad Gunderford told reporters, “We tried rewriting his speeches for coherence, but he just drew a cartoon eagle on the teleprompter and called it the ‘Freedom Translator.’” In other news, interns assigned to real-time quote-cleaning reportedly fled after being asked to redefine gravity as a Democrat hoax. No one has returned since.
News outlets say it is cheaper than ever to report on the President. “We just copy and paste whatever he says and add ‘LOL WUT?’ above it in bold,” said a New York Times editor. “Readers understand. No further context needed.” The paper’s new slogan is “All the WTF That’s Fit to Print.”
In a recent briefing, Trump responded to criticism by declaring, “I never said anything that wasn’t true unless it wasn’t, and then it was on purpose because I’m a genius of opposite truth.” As the Ministry scrambled to clarify whether this counted as an official policy statement or accidental performance art, CNN went live with the quote, followed by “LOL WUT?” in forty-point font across the screen.
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