FLORIDA — After her husband left her for another man and a mountain of debt forged in her name, Megan Lovelace, 25, hit rock bottom working at Burger King. Her manager, who smelled like fryer grease and disappointment, asked her out twice daily while assigning her double shifts she didn’t request. Life had become a combo meal of misery.
One night, curled in bed beside an unopened bottle of generic sleeping pills, Megan heard a late-night radio ad that changed everything. A chipper voice declared, “Want freedom? Hate your boss? You don’t need brains, just Wi-Fi and the attention span of a caffeinated lemur!” Megan didn’t hesitate. She Googled “digital nomad” and immediately signed up for a $4,000 course taught by someone named CryptoJeff.
CryptoJeff, who teaches from a Bali villa he rents hourly, promised Megan she could earn six figures by copy-pasting inspirational quotes onto Facebook ads targeting other people who hate their lives. Megan now works 19 hours a day from her mom’s garage, creating eBooks titled things like “Unlock Your Freedom Chakra With Affiliate Links.” Her bank account is still empty, but her soul has passive income vibes.
She claims her depression has lifted, though she does occasionally weep into a ring light. Her ex-husband now sells crystals on Etsy with his new partner, and her old boss was fired after accidentally microwaving a vape. Megan says she finally feels “liberated,” even if her only real income so far came from selling her high school flute. At press time, she was starting a new course called How to Coach Life Coaches Using Coaching. Sources confirm she’s three webinars away from full enlightenment and possibly a coupon for organic mushroom coffee.
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