WASHINGTON — Marking his 100th day back in office, President Donald Trump declared the milestone “a tremendous success” shortly before ordering the Statue of Liberty deported to “wherever she came from.” The administration cited “lingering concerns” over her French accent, suspicious torch, and “possibly liberal posture” as grounds for immediate removal.
Homeland Security officials said Lady Liberty was “politely but firmly escorted” onto a shipping barge destined for the Atlantic. “We found her paperwork lacking,” said a senior official. “She’s been standing there unblinking for decades. That’s not normal.” The move follows a string of high-profile deportations, including Sesame Street’s Count von Count and a parrot that once yelled “Asylum!”
The White House defended the action as part of Trump’s newly unveiled “Patriotic Landscaping Initiative,” which aims to replace problematic monuments with “true American icons,” including a bronze statue of Guy Fieri holding a bald eagle. Trump later tweeted, “Lady Liberty had a good run, but America needs hotter statues with less attitude. Sad!” Approval among his base surged, particularly among voters who believe the torch was “some kind of leftist signal.”
In a televised address, Trump described the first 100 days of his second term as “maybe the best 100 days ever recorded, even better than Jesus’s first 100.” When asked about criticism over the deportation, Trump insisted the statue “wasn’t even that tall” and suggested France could “build her a new pedestal using their socialist baguette money.”
As Liberty was towed out of the harbor, one bystander solemnly saluted while another asked if Ellis Island would be converted into a Top Golf. Officials confirmed this was “being considered, but only if the water hazard can be made deeper.”
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