ALBANY, NY — Bracing for the impact of looming federal Medicaid cuts, Governor Kathy Hochul announced Monday her administration’s innovative strategy of pretending New York no longer exists. Officials explained the move would relieve financial pressure while offering voters the comforting illusion that everything is still fine. “If Washington can’t see us, they can’t hurt us,” said one aide.
In a hastily arranged press conference held behind a hastily arranged curtain, Hochul reassured the public that disappearing would be a seamless experience requiring no paperwork. “You will not notice any changes because you will not legally exist,” she said. Legislators praised the proposal’s creativity, noting it cleverly sidesteps difficult conversations about balancing fiscal responsibility and basic human survival.
Democratic leaders, traditionally proud defenders of Medicaid, reportedly supported the plan with the enthusiastic energy of hostages blinking SOS in Morse code. In other news, healthcare advocates were spotted drafting contingency plans that included moving to Vermont or mastering herbal medicine. “We’re optimistic voters will appreciate our commitment to innovation over tangible outcomes,” said a senior strategist.
Political analysts warned the strategy could backfire if voters discover they no longer have access to hospitals, jobs, or functioning kidneys. However, party officials remained confident, pointing to polling data showing most Americans already feel invisible to their government. “Honestly, we are just formalizing what people already believe,” said a Democratic consultant. “This is what synergy looks like in governance.”
Experts predict the debate will further divide Democrats between those who wish to save the most vulnerable and those who wish to save face until the next fundraising gala. In related news, the governor’s office quietly updated the state motto to Excelsior: Out of Sight, Out of Mind and announced plans to sell official “Ghost of New York” license plates.
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