DULUTH, MN — In a stunning move to boost sagging visitor numbers, Lost Hope National Park unveiled its new campaign Tuesday, proudly advertising a 30% increase in guest disappearances. Officials say the park now offers “the purest escape from modern life,” often permanently. Upgraded amenities include deeper ravines, misleading trail markers, and a complimentary “Missing” poster template.
Park rangers have undergone special training to offer less assistance when visitors beg for help, cultivating a raw survivalist atmosphere praised by influencers seeking “authentic vanishing content.” New attractions include the Whispering Fog Trail, the Bottomless Picnic Area, and the thrilling new feature “Choose Your Own Grave Site.” Management emphasized that losing cell service within ten minutes of arrival is now fully guaranteed by corporate sponsors.
Families arriving at Lost Hope receive a complimentary Survival Regret Kit, featuring a dull compass, an empty water bottle, and a heartfelt note from the marketing team. “We want guests to really feel the isolation clawing at their sanity,” said park director Lisa Foreman while adjusting a helpful “No Rescue Past This Point” sign. Early reviews have been mixed, with some visitors loving the freedom and others simply vanishing before forming an opinion.
Future plans include installing a souvenir shop at the entrance that sells T-shirts reading “I Went to Lost Hope and All I Got Was This Existential Dread.” An expansion project is also in the works to develop the infamous Mist Hollow region, a section so remote even satellite imagery refuses to map it. Reservations for summer disappearances are reportedly filling fast, with a new “Bring a Friend, Lose Them for Free” promotion running through August.
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