ATLANTIC OCEAN — Hoping to capitalize on rising interest in “off-grid experiences,” the Bermuda Triangle announced Monday the launch of its new all-inclusive vacation package, “Stay Forever.” Promising breathtaking ocean views and absolutely no chance of making it home, the package caters to travelers exhausted by predictable endings. Luxury amenities include bottomless cocktails and bottomless oceans.
Guests are offered seamless disappearances through curated experiences like the Disorientation Cruise, Magnetic Anomaly Lounge, and complimentary reality slippage seminars. The Bermuda Triangle Tourism Board emphasized that each visitor will receive personalized vanishing services, tailored to whether they prefer slow drifting into the mist or sudden, jarring absences. A deluxe upgrade includes the premium feature “Mysterious Radio Silence.”
Families are especially encouraged to book group packages, allowing entire bloodlines to vanish together, creating what organizers call “memories that absolutely no one can retrieve.” Marketing brochures feature testimonials from past travelers, all suspiciously left blank to highlight the experience’s authenticity. Visitors are strongly advised to sign a release form waiving all rights to plausible explanations before boarding designated “Relocation Yachts.”
For air travelers, the “Stay Forever” package includes complimentary flights piloted by aggressively nonchalant crews specializing in casual wrong turns and aimless loops. Each flight is carefully engineered to lose all contact with the outside world within twenty minutes, offering guests the rare chance to ponder their existence while gently spiraling toward an uncertain, lightly celebrated fate.
Critics have raised concerns that the “Stay Forever” initiative lacks transparency, citing missing refund policies and an overly vague FAQ section reading simply “Good Luck.” In response, Triangle representatives promise an upcoming loyalty program where repeat disappearances are rewarded with complimentary commemorative compasses that point nowhere. Bookings surged after a promotional video showed carefree couples smiling blankly into heavy fog, luggage floating gently behind them.
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