MILWAUKEE — In an astonishing show of ambivalence, the nation collectively raised one eyebrow this week upon learning that underwater hockey still exists. The sport, described by participants as “hockey, but drowned,” gained six new fans after a viral TikTok showed a man in Speedos scoring what may have been a goal or possibly drowning.
Played at the bottom of swimming pools using snorkels, sticks the size of toothbrushes, and a puck that nobody can see, underwater hockey has quietly existed since the 1950s. Despite decades of effort, it remains a sport no one plays unless they’ve lost a bet or are heavily into aquatic cosplay. Still, organizers insist it’s “very real and totally intense.”
Critics have described it as “water polo’s quieter, more confusing cousin,” with gameplay involving frantic flailing, muffled bubbles, and constant player abandonment due to cramping. Referees often have no idea what’s happening, occasionally awarding points based on which team looks less panicked. One past champion said he scored three goals during a match he doesn’t remember.
Supporters claim the sport builds stamina, teamwork, and the ability to suppress both ego and basic human instincts for air. Fans—most of whom are related to players or lifeguards—praise it for its “unique vibe” and “unwatchability.” Attempts to televise the matches have failed, with footage resembling security cam footage from a haunted aquarium.
Still, excitement ripples through the underwater hockey community. A new league is forming in Ohio, featuring teams like the Submerged Slappers and the Gilled Reapers. Their promotional slogan reads, “You haven’t seen sports until you haven’t seen this.” No one is quite sure how long the hype will last, but one thing is certain: the pool will absolutely need to be shocked afterward.
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