ASHVILLE — After years of cryptic dreams involving a brunette woman surrounded by yellow butterflies, local man Neil Thresher reportedly “caught the dream” during a solo hike and now wishes he had aimed lower, like getting a dog or learning woodworking. Witnesses describe Neil stumbling from the woods mumbling lyrics to a 1999 pop song.
Thresher had long claimed the woman visited him in his sleep, whispering sweet nothings that caused him to wake up drenched in sweat and questioning the very structure of his reality. He believed the visions were destiny. Friends believed he needed more iron in his diet. Despite this, Neil pursued the dream across journals, therapy, and one truly alarming vision board.
The encounter occurred Thursday near an abandoned ranger station. Neil reportedly followed a flickering trail of yellow butterflies until he reached a clearing, where the brunette stood smiling, arms open, and lightly humming “Come-come my lady.” He approached with reverence. She responded by tilting her head like a malfunctioning animatronic and vanishing into a puff of glitter and static.
Authorities found Neil two hours later staring into a pond, murmuring, “She knows my credit score.” He has since been released from observation but now avoids forests and butterfly sanctuaries entirely. “The dream was real,” he said, “but she was too real. She had opinions about cryptocurrency and a smell like hot printer plastic.”
Experts warn that chasing dreams can have unforeseen consequences, especially if the dream features a soundtrack from the band Crazy Town. Neil now works part-time at a candle store and describes his life as “hauntingly quiet.” He no longer dreams of women or butterflies. He dreams of coupons and safe lighting. The universe, it seems, gave him what he wanted. Just not what he needed.
© 2025 The Daily Snort
