OKLAHOMA — After decades in the rural event shadows, cow chip throwing is flinging its way back into the national spotlight. Organizers of the 2025 National Cow Chip Throwing Championship confirmed record attendance this year, with many attendees citing “general boredom with horseshoes” and a craving for “sports that reek of raw authenticity.”
Spectators flocked to watch competitors hurl sun-baked bovine excrement across a dusty field, some holding beers, others simply crying. The event, described by fans as “violent frisbee with consequences,” saw a 63-year-old retiree win gold with a particularly symmetrical patty that soared 143 feet and shattered a nearby lemonade stand. No one was seriously injured, but many now hate lemonade.
Veteran participant Glenn “Chipneck” Harmon praised the event’s rising fame, saying it’s “about time Americans got over their obsession with sanitized sports like golf.” He believes modern viewers are sick of watching well-groomed people whisper about grass and want to see actual grass, dirt, and things that once digested grass. “This ain’t a sport you play wearing pastels,” he added, covered in what may have been glory.
Vendors embraced the chaos, offering themed merchandise like ‘Turd Hurdler’ foam fingers and shirts that read “You Can’t Polish a Champion.” Health officials urged caution, recommending goggles, gloves, and “a deep personal reckoning” before attending. Still, enthusiasm remained high. One teen described it as “like dodgeball but you smell the trauma.”
The growing popularity of the sport has networks sniffing around for broadcasting rights. ESPN executives were reportedly interested until one was accidentally struck in the neck by a rogue chip during a scouting trip. He later admitted, “It had surprisingly good arc.” Plans are already underway for a winter league featuring frozen variants.
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