WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that he will be “very nice” to China in upcoming trade negotiations, sparking confusion among economists, foreign policy analysts, and several kindergarten teachers who weren’t aware international diplomacy could be settled with good manners and vague vibes.
The president, who has spent most of his life warning Americans that China was “out to get us, totally,” now says the path forward may involve a softer tone, perhaps even a smile. “I can be very nice,” Trump told reporters. “The nicest. You’ve never seen anyone so nice. China will be shocked by how nice I can be.”
The abrupt pivot comes as a major shock, raising questions about whether the president’s diplomatic strategy is evolving or if he simply got distracted midway through another tariff threat. Sources close to the administration say he recently described his new plan as “a hug for the global economy, maybe a kiss if it behaves.”
Critics say the shift reeks of desperation, while supporters insist it’s proof of growth. “He’s like a strong dad who sometimes wants to be your friend,” said Marla Jeffries, a Florida voter who sells custom MAGA-themed teacups. “And I think that’s beautiful.” China has yet to officially respond, though one diplomat reportedly blinked twice very slowly when informed.
Behind closed doors, White House staff are scrambling to define what “very nice” actually entails in policy terms. Suggested initiatives include not calling Xi Jinping names during speeches and sending over a gift basket of soybeans and small American flags. As markets fluctuate and reality bends, one thing remains clear: international relations now run on vibes and presidential mood swings.
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