NEW YORK, NY — Two women dressed in full goth attire entered the Chelsea Hotel Friday intending to debunk paranormal nonsense. They left 48 hours later clutching rosaries, whispering Latin, and claiming their nail polish now peels itself off in the shape of cryptic Victorian surnames. “We came for vibes,” one said, “but the vibes came for us.”
Room 213, where they stayed, was allegedly quiet until 2:13 a.m., when all the mirrors reportedly fogged up and spelled out the phrase “Not Again.” According to the women, one suitcase levitated slightly before gently tipping over, which they first blamed on “quirky architecture” until it happened three more times to a suitcase that wasn’t theirs. No hotel staff could confirm the third suitcase ever existed.
Prior to the incident, both women were self-described “logic-driven materialists” who believed ghosts were the invention of repressed guilt and air conditioning systems. They now maintain eye contact for no longer than five seconds at a time and have begun referring to each other only as “the Witness.” Their shared blog, once devoted to DIY coffin shelves, now exclusively details cold spots and spectral etiquette.
They’ve since launched an Etsy store named “Spiritually Gutted,” where they sell candles that allegedly scream softly when lit, and necklaces that go missing “on their own terms.” Reviews are mixed, but several customers say the candles leak a weird gray wax that whispers apologies.
The women plan to return to the hotel next October, citing unfinished business and a “personal request” scrawled into their dreams. “We don’t fear ghosts,” one said, smoking a clove cigarette that refused to stay lit. “We fear how much they know about us.” Hotel management declined to comment, then quietly blessed the lobby.
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