WASHINGTON — In a decision critics have labeled “not ideal,” the White House confirmed Monday that former President Donald Trump supports Pete Hegseth’s claims that the Pentagon is moonlighting as its own worst enemy. The revelation comes after a second leaked Signal chat showed generals planning lunch, possibly subversion, and emoji reactions in equal measure.
Hegseth, who has never been wrong according to Hegseth, insists that “deep state vibes” are real and that the military brass is gently kneecapping Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin. The White House, perhaps not understanding microphones are still on, endorsed the idea during a press briefing that included several audible gasps and one quiet “Jesus Christ” from the back row.
Supporters of the theory are calling for full accountability, demanding lie detector tests, flashlight interrogations, and at least one dramatic Senate hearing. In the mean time, opponents claim the allegations are part of an ongoing attempt to turn government operations into a reality show with no script, budget, or visible point. One aide reportedly asked if this counted as a coup or just a “coup adjacent situation.”
The Pentagon has remained silent, possibly to avoid adding fuel to what one insider called “a fire built entirely out of vibes and Twitter screenshots.” Military officials close to the situation say they are reviewing internal communications to ensure that all classified memes meet decorum standards. No resignations have been announced, but several top brass were seen updating LinkedIn with “seeking drama-free environments.”
Experts warn that this situation could further damage civilian-military relations, already described as “tense but cordial, like divorced parents at graduation.” Sources say the administration is hoping this news cycle dies quickly, ideally under something heavier than truth, accountability, or consequences.
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