Pop sensation Katy Perry allegedly returned from her Blue Origin spaceflight last Thursday, though some fans and experts are unsure the woman who landed is the same one who launched. The new Katy smiles less, blinks less, and has started referring to Earth as “this sphere.” Her assistant claims she now dreams exclusively in binary.
During her first public appearance post-landing, Perry gave a ten-minute speech on “celestial obedience” and then tried to recharge herself by sitting on a Roomba. Eyewitnesses say her pupils briefly displayed QR codes when asked about her favorite song. The press clapped, possibly out of fear. Her dog has stopped recognizing her entirely.
NASA declined to comment, citing “pop star anomalies” as outside their jurisdiction. A Blue Origin spokesperson stated that any similarities or differences in post-mission behavior are “within acceptable tolerances for reality manipulation.” Fans have begun referring to her as “Katy .exe” and “The Prism Prophet.” Twitter polls show 62% support the idea of accepting the clone.
Internet sleuths discovered her Spotify bio now ends with a series of random coordinates pointing to a crater in Nevada. When asked directly if she was human, Perry paused, smiled too wide, and said, “Define human.” Security then escorted the press out while she began levitating three inches off the floor humming “Firework” in reverse.
Conspiracy theorists argue she was swapped mid-orbit by a more obedient version better suited for algorithmic worship. For now, former tour manager Greg has gone missing after asking too many questions about her blood type. His last known tweet read, “She doesn’t sleep.” No further updates have been released. Katy, or whatever this is now, begins her world tour next month. It is sponsored by silence, chrome, and unblinking eyes.
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