SARDINIA — In a crazy yet unsettling development, Casu Marzu, the infamous maggot-infested cheese banned across Italy, has formally declared itself a sovereign microstate. The cheese, leaking from its rind and teeming with squirming larvae, cited centuries of persecution and “ungrateful consumption” as reasons for secession. Sardinian officials responded by immediately scrubbing all wheels of Casu Marzu from tourist brochures.
Spokesmaggots representing the new micronation, calling themselves the “Free Republic of Fermentia,” issued a manifesto demanding diplomatic recognition and refrigerated asylum at the United Nations. Their official statement, oozing sincerity and whey, claimed sovereignty was the only logical step after years of being smuggled under coats and inside suspicious picnic baskets. They also requested tiny chairs at future G7 summits.
Meanwhile, locals remain divided. Elderly Sardinians whisper that Casu Marzu once healed a village goat by merely being near it. Others recall the cheese consuming a family of four in 1997. One cheese enthusiast, chewing nervously, said, “It tastes like history, decay, and the very real possibility of intestinal trauma.” The government, however, maintains that cheese containing living insects should not hold passports or voting rights, no matter how creamy.
In a clever move, France’s Roquefort offered full diplomatic support, calling Fermentia a “bold step forward for sentient dairy.” Brie refused comment but looked visibly disturbed. Meanwhile, Vatican officials remain on high alert, fearing theological implications of consecrated maggot colonies forming breakaway religious orders. Tourists, confused and mildly nauseated, continue to arrive with crackers and hazmat suits.
Though Italy refuses to acknowledge Fermentia, several Silicon Valley investors are already circling, citing “live fermentation as the next frontier in conscious snacking.” Casu Marzu, now armed with a flag, a national anthem, and vague bioterrorist vibes, continues to blur the line between delicacy and diplomatic incident.
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