LOS ANGELES — In an unprecedented act of journalistic rigor, television comedian and frequent monologue enthusiast Bill Maher reportedly met privately with President Donald Trump last week and, according to sources close to his ego, “completely forgot about the collapse of democracy.” The dinner, held in what experts described as “a steakhouse with no moral compass,” lasted two full courses.
Witnesses report Maher emerged from the dinner “visibly charmed” and, after one scotch and a handshake, began describing Trump as “oddly self-aware” and “surprisingly attentive,” which doctors confirm are common side effects of proximity to unchecked authoritarianism. “He was… nice,” Maher allegedly muttered, before blocking out any memory of January 6 or the Constitution in general.
Political analysts immediately panicked, updating their national threat level from “deeply ironic” to “Bill is the canary in the coal mine.” Historians warned this may mark the first time since the fall of Rome that comedy actively enabled tyranny. “It’s always the funny ones,” sighed one scholar, sipping from a mug labeled Satire Is Dead Long Live Satire. “Next thing you know he’ll say Mussolini had good table manners.”
Maher, who has spent decades mocking Trump’s intelligence, policies, and hair, now claims the former president is “not like he is on TV,” forgetting that reality itself is mostly TV now. When asked if this changes his view of the 2024 election, Maher said only, “I just think we need to hear everyone out,” before drifting into a long anecdote about how Stalin was probably misunderstood at brunch.
In response, Trump has invited other critics to dinner, including Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, and a haunted scarecrow in MSNBC makeup. Early reports suggest Colbert is already asking about soup.
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