Girlfriends Replaced As Blackpink Claims Men

SEOUL — Local girlfriends across the globe are filing emotional complaints after their boyfriends abruptly abandoned reality to pursue lifelong devotion to K-pop sensation Blackpink. Experts confirm these men are not lost but simply “re-prioritized” after discovering the intoxicating power of synchronized choreography, empowerment anthems, and blink-filled Instagram lives. Most haven’t blinked themselves since 2021.

The phenomenon, dubbed “The Blinkening,” has left relationship therapists overwhelmed. One noted, “They come in weeping, clutching light sticks, mumbling lyrics to ‘Kill This Love.’ It’s not heartbreak, it’s a rebirth.” Many men report feeling seen for the first time by four Korean pop icons who have never met them, but whose music “understands their soul.”

Blackpink, often referred to as the world’s biggest girl group, is now responsible for more male spiritual awakenings than ayahuasca retreats. Girlfriends cite disturbing changes: boyfriends now speak only in fan chants, refer to birthdays as “comebacks,” and insist on dressing in glittery pink bomber jackets for formal events. “He proposed but only using Jennie lyrics,” said one distressed fiancée.

Sociologists suggest the group’s “girl crush” concept, centered on confidence and independence, inadvertently triggers men to abandon all known women in favor of idols who radiate emotional safety and Photoshop. Affected men claim it’s not obsession, just “a lifestyle choice rooted in admiration and mild delusion.” Friends remain unconvinced.

Blackpink’s agency offered no comment but did release limited edition pillows shaped like the members’ heads, which sold out in six minutes. Experts warn this may only be the beginning, predicting a future where men gather in secret K-pop communes, learning Korean and rejecting physical affection for fancams. Girlfriends everywhere now fear the ultimate heartbreak: being left for someone whose entire existence fits into a 2-minute dance break.

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