ARIZONA — A local man who reportedly ate multiple venomous snakes over the years says he’s “pretty sure” it was fine. The man, known only as Gary, claims he decapitates the snakes, buries the heads in his yard like a Victorian lunatic, and cooks the rest “like chicken.” No one has asked him to do this.
Gary insists the meat is perfectly safe once the head is removed, although he warns that decapitated snake heads can still bite for days, which is somehow not the scariest part of this. He says he once left a dead snake un-gutted too long and it turned to what he calls “a tainted meat situation.”
“I guess it tasted kind of like frog legs,” Gary said to no one in particular. He claims the body may still move around as if alive, which is considered normal in whatever universe Gary inhabits. “It was tasty though,” he added, while possibly hallucinating from whatever he’s been eating.
Experts have not weighed in, mostly because no one thought this was happening. Gary says the venom sacs are located in the head, which he always buries, usually in what he describes as “a respectful shallow grave.” The neighbors describe it as “unnerving.” Gary remains enthusiastic.
While most Americans opt for food that never tried to kill them, Gary considers snake meat a delicacy when “properly rinsed” and left to twitch slightly before grilling. Despite no formal training in toxicology or culinary arts, Gary says he’s experienced zero discomfort, which is technically true, if you exclude his general vibe.
Authorities have not issued any official warnings, choosing instead to let natural selection run its course. Gary says he’ll continue eating venomous snakes. “Haven’t died yet,” he reports cheerfully, eyes twitching, hands shaking slightly.
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