Derrick Molloy had not been touched in years. Not on purpose anyway. Then he downloaded SoulToSoul. It promised authentic connection. It asked deep questions like, do you cry in parking lots or do you sometimes talk to your reflection? Derrick answered yes. Four times. Three minutes later, he matched with a woman named Crayola.
Crayola was not her real name. But real names imply real lives. She had neither. She sent Derrick a gif of a raccoon eating garbage alone. Derrick sent back a photo of his dinner. It was also garbage. He had found her. Or she found him. They were not sure. But both were suddenly less aware of their rotting solitude.
SoulToSoul was developed by a man who reportedly wept during every Pixar film including Cars 2. He coded the app in a dark basement during a ten year break from dating and mirrors. His only companion was a taxidermied fox named Sandra. He created the app because existing ones required hope. SoulToSoul only required despair and Wi-Fi.
The app does not use location data, because no one wants to be found. It pairs people by their shared dislike of eye contact prolonged silence and being awake. Instead of photos users upload audio clips of themselves sighing. If two sighs match they are a ninety percent fit. Science.
Derrick and Crayola now text nightly. They never ask how was your day. They already know. It was bad. Instead they share memes about being forgotten by God. Last week they met in person. They each wore black and brought their own weighted blanket. When they touched hands neither pulled away. They sat. Quiet. Still. Their eyes met. No one vomited. A perfect date. Possibly forever.
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