The Daily Snort – Satirical News You Can't Un-Snort

Trump’s Iran Strikes Reportedly Based on Vibes, Gut Feelings, and Absolutely No Intelligence

by Ghost Writer

WASHINGTON — In a series of escalating airstrikes against Iran, President Trump has reportedly been guided not by classified intelligence but by something far…

Trump Slams “Lazy” Federal Holidays While Standing in Front of Golf Course

Business »

Photo by David McBee

Bitcoin Plummets Below $100K, Investors Urged To Calmly Exit Through Nearest Window

by Ghost Writer

NEW YORK — Bitcoin’s value violently plunged below $100,000 this week, sending investors into a controlled, dignified panic similar to rats politely fleeing a…

Trump Blames Ducks After Cybercriminals Hack Aflac in Nationwide Insurance Breach

Tech »

Palantir: Once-in-a-Generation AI Stock or Just the World’s Most Expensive Magic 8-Ball?

by Ghost Writer

SILICON VALLEY — Investors are currently split on whether Palantir Technologies is the next unstoppable AI giant or just a beautifully overhyped spreadsheet with…

Apple Announces iPad Now Only Missing About Three Things to Fully Become a Mac

by Ghost Writer

CUPERTINO, CA — Apple confirmed Tuesday that the iPad is now almost, nearly, basically a Mac, except for the few remaining things that actually…

Opinions »

by Ghost Writer

Study Finds Chronic Dog Poop Steppers Are Actually Overachievers Destined for Greatness

by Ghost Writer

Nation’s Pseudo-Intellectuals Thriving on Podcasts Without Burden of Formal Education

by Ghost Writer

Man Admits He Lied to Mother for Years, Claiming Jesus Personally Approved Sour Patch Kids

by Ghost Writer

Nation Unsure How Human Robots Should Look, But Agrees ‘Definitely Less Than Greg’

by Ghost Writer

Study Finds Carrying Cash Now Considered More Reckless Than Juggling Chainsaws While Blindfolded

by Ghost Writer

Gen Z and Gen Alpha Embrace ‘Messy Authenticity’ Online, Manage to Perfectly Curate Looking Uncurated

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Study Finds Chronic Dog Poop Steppers Are Actually Overachievers Destined for Greatness

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Local Man Cures Depression by Filling Entire House with Chia Pets, Becomes Emotionally Entangled with Ceramic Hedgehog

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Palantir: Once-in-a-Generation AI Stock or Just the World’s Most Expensive Magic 8-Ball?

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Trump Declares Success After Iran Bombings, Begins Personally Testing Futuristic Guns and Deploying Attack Clowns

by Ghost Writer

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Trump’s Iran Strikes Reportedly Based on Vibes, Gut Feelings, and Absolutely No Intelligence

by Ghost Writer

Lifestyle »

Local Man Cures Depression by Filling Entire House with Chia Pets, Becomes Emotionally Entangled with Ceramic Hedgehog

TOLEDO, OH — After years of battling crushing depression, local man Greg Walters has reportedly found…

Study Finds Surge in Women Headbanging to 80s Hair Metal After YouTube Told Them To

Man’s Taco Bell Addiction Cured After Can of Redemption Beans Miraculously Falls from Ceiling

Experts Confirm Religion and Politics Both Traced to Single Ancient Urge to Control Snack Distribution

Harvard Study Finds Daily Smiling And Clapping Significantly Reduces Chances Of Marrying Total Disaster

Nation’s Spines Officially Surrender as Doom Scrolling, Slouching, and Existential Dread Form Perfect Posture Apocalypse

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Study Finds Chronic Dog Poop Steppers Are Actually Overachievers Destined for Greatness

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Palantir: Once-in-a-Generation AI Stock or Just the World’s Most Expensive Magic 8-Ball?

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Trump Declares Success After Iran Bombings, Begins Personally Testing Futuristic Guns and Deploying Attack Clowns

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Trump’s Iran Strikes Reportedly Based on Vibes, Gut Feelings, and Absolutely No Intelligence

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Bitcoin Plummets Below $100K, Investors Urged To Calmly Exit Through Nearest Window

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Study Finds Surge in Women Headbanging to 80s Hair Metal After YouTube Told Them To

Travel »

U.S. Tourism Hits New Low as Canadians Finally Realize It’s Just America

Florida Man Sues Disney Over Water Slide That “Shattered His Soul at 40 MPH”

Luxury Vegas Hotel’s ‘Signature Black Silk Sheets’ Turn Out to Be Sentient Hair Monster

Hotels Push for Tax-Free Tips, Say Workers Happier When Paid in Untouchable Crumpled Singles

Latest »

Opinion

by Ghost Writer

Study Finds Chronic Dog Poop Steppers Are Actually Overachievers Destined for Greatness

Lifestyle

by Ghost Writer

Local Man Cures Depression by Filling Entire House with Chia Pets, Becomes Emotionally Entangled with Ceramic Hedgehog

Tech

by Ghost Writer

Palantir: Once-in-a-Generation AI Stock or Just the World’s Most Expensive Magic 8-Ball?

Politics

by Ghost Writer

Trump Declares Success After Iran Bombings, Begins Personally Testing Futuristic Guns and Deploying Attack Clowns

Politics

by Ghost Writer

Trump’s Iran Strikes Reportedly Based on Vibes, Gut Feelings, and Absolutely No Intelligence

Business

by Ghost Writer

Bitcoin Plummets Below $100K, Investors Urged To Calmly Exit Through Nearest Window

Opinion

by Ghost Writer

Nation’s Pseudo-Intellectuals Thriving on Podcasts Without Burden of Formal Education

Lifestyle

by Ghost Writer

Study Finds Surge in Women Headbanging to 80s Hair Metal After YouTube Told Them To

Politics »

Politics

by Ghost Writer

Trump Declares Success After Iran Bombings, Begins Personally Testing Futuristic Guns and Deploying Attack Clowns

Trump’s Iran Strikes Reportedly Based on Vibes, Gut Feelings, and Absolutely No Intelligence

by Ghost Writer

June 23, 2025

Trump Slams “Lazy” Federal Holidays While Standing in Front of Golf Course

by Ghost Writer

June 20, 2025

Jesus Appears at McDonald’s, Urges Nation to Forget Politics and Prioritize Big Macs Instead

by Ghost Writer

June 19, 2025

Trump’s Iran Policy Officially Determined by Whoever Yelled Loudest in Oval Office That Morning

by Ghost Writer

June 19, 2025

Trump Boldly Threatens Iran’s Supreme Leader, Accidentally Calls Him ‘The King of Lamps’

by Ghost Writer

June 18, 2025

Tech »

Palantir: Once-in-a-Generation AI Stock or Just the World’s Most Expensive Magic 8-Ball?

Apple Announces iPad Now Only Missing About Three Things to Fully Become a Mac

Texas Instruments to Invest $60 Billion After Trump Mistakes Them for Rodeo Equipment Company

Trump Extends TikTok Sale Deadline Again, Citing Sudden Need to Finish ‘Epic Dance Challenge’

Travel »

U.S. Tourism Hits New Low as Canadians Finally Realize It’s Just America

Florida Man Sues Disney Over Water Slide That “Shattered His Soul at 40 MPH”

Luxury Vegas Hotel’s ‘Signature Black Silk Sheets’ Turn Out to Be Sentient Hair Monster

Hotels Push for Tax-Free Tips, Say Workers Happier When Paid in Untouchable Crumpled Singles

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Ghost Writer

Study Finds Chronic Dog Poop Steppers Are Actually Overachievers Destined for Greatness

Opinions »

by Ghost Writer

Nation’s Pseudo-Intellectuals Thriving on Podcasts Without Burden of Formal Education

by Ghost Writer

Man Admits He Lied to Mother for Years, Claiming Jesus Personally Approved Sour Patch Kids

by Ghost Writer

Nation Unsure How Human Robots Should Look, But Agrees ‘Definitely Less Than Greg’

by Ghost Writer

Study Finds Carrying Cash Now Considered More Reckless Than Juggling Chainsaws While Blindfolded

Opinion

by Ghost Writer

Study Finds Chronic Dog Poop Steppers Are Actually Overachievers Destined for Greatness

BOSTON — A groundbreaking new study from the Institute of Behavioral Sciences has found that people who consistently step in dog poop are statistically…